


Power And Control

by kittenofdoomage



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, NSFW, Reader Insert, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:22:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5879308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenofdoomage/pseuds/kittenofdoomage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Sequel to Starring Role.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Power And Control

You’d expected to wake up alone, of course. So it wasn’t much of a surprise when you opened your eyes to see the other side of the bed empty, void of any angels. His clothes were gone too, and you sighed, rolling over.

Another day to face. It would have been easier if last night hadn’t happened. The rushed, intense sex, followed by falling asleep in his arms, the unspoken words he’d given you with his body, laying over you like a thick blanket. All that lay on you now was confusion and hurt.

It would be better if he didn’t come back.

A knock at the door, followed by Sam’s voice and you sat up, pulling the covers around your naked body.'Come in.’

_Power and control_ _  
_ _Give a little, get a lot,_

'Hey.’ Sam greeted, opening the door, a soft smile on his face and coffee in his hand. 'I brought you breakfast. It’s liquid but contains enough caffeine to get you…’ He saw the look on your face and stopped. 'Y/N, you okay?’

  
_That’s just how you are with love_ _  
_ _Give a little, get a lot,_

You nodded, staring absently, and Sam closed the door before approaching the bed slowly. 'You don’t look okay.’

'I’m fine, Sam.’ You whispered, feeling the sting of tears in your eyes. He frowned, placing the coffee on the night stand before sitting beside you. 'Thanks for the coffee.’

'Did Cas come by?’ He asked, apprehensively.

_Yeah, you may be good looking,_ _  
_ _But you’re not a piece of art_

In silence, you nodded, feeling the first tear drop as you lowered your head. Sam sighed, reaching out to take your hand. 'What happened?’ You took a shuddering breath.

'I don’t wanna talk about it.’

'Is that because you’re naked under there?’ He asked, pushing hair back out of your eyes. Sam was always so gentle with you, so caring. He was your brother in every sense but blood, and you knew he’d be angry with Castiel if you told him anything. And then it would get back to Dean, who was always overprotective because you were a _girl_ and _girls_ were fragile, even if they were hunters that could break your arm with one well aimed kick.

_Power and control,_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_

'Slightly.’ You whispered. 'He turned up after I said his name. He was eavesdropping. And we fought.’

'You fought?’ Sam’s grip on your hand tightened.

'Not physically.’ You clarified. 'But things got…heated…and…we may have…’

'You slept with him.’ Sam stated, and you nodded, feeling another tear escape your eyes. 'Y/N…’

'Don’t tell me that it’s not gonna happen, that I’m dreaming because I _know,_ okay? I give into him, even though I _know_ we have nothing, no future, no little house with a picket fence and two point four fucking kids, okay?’ You sniffed, pulling your hand out of Sam’s grasp to drag it across your face, wiping the tears away. 'I’m aware I’m chasing a dream I can’t have but…’

_Power and control,_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_

'You love him.’ It wasn’t a question and you nodded, unable to prevent the flow of tears now. You fell forward, the sheets still concealing you as Sam held you close to his chest, your face leaving wet marks on his plaid shirt. 'Y/N, it’s okay…you’re gonna be okay…’

'How? How can I be okay when I’m in love with friggin’ angel who couldn’t even tell me what he feels. Who turns up here and, and _fucks_ me, then leaves? He didn’t even stay for the morning. I woke up alone. Again.’ You sniffed, burying your face closer into his chest. 'How I’ll always be.’

'You’re not always gonna be alone, Y/N.’ Sam stroked your hair gently, still holding you close. 'You’ll always have me and Dean.’

'It’s not the same.’ You replied forlornly. 'I love you guys, you’re my family…but that’s not the alone I’m scared of.’

_Women and men we are the same,_ _  
_ _But love will always be a game_

'I know.’ Sam sighed heavily, pushing you back to a sitting position. 'But you’re gonna get through this. You’re gonna meet someone, and you’re gonna be happy. Trust me.’ He smiled, brushing your hair from your eyes again. 'Now, get yourself dressed and we’ll go find something kill. That always makes you feel better.’

You smiled a little, then nodded, knowing it was a band aid on a major wound. Sam was right, and you knew moping around wouldn’t fix anything, wouldn’t make the feelings go away. You had to face this like you would a demon, or a spirit, or a werewolf. Kill it before it killed you. This was a distraction.

One you couldn’t afford.

_We give and take a little more,_ _  
_ _Eternal game of tug and war._

Sam left, closing the door behind him, and you reached into the bag by the side of the bed for some clean clothes. When you sat back up, Castiel was perched at the bottom of the bed, looking down at his hands with that intense blue gaze of his. You jumped, and then scowled at him. 'What the hell, Cas?’

'I’m sorry I left you this morning, Y/N.’ He said slowly.

'It doesn’t matter.’ You replied, keeping your voice cold and even. 'What happened last night won’t happen again. Leave me alone, Castiel.’

'I can’t do that.’ He said, still not looking at you.

'Why not?’ Anger swelled inside your chest, and your fists tightened around your clothes. 'Does this bring you some kind of joy? Toying with me? Making me fall for you? _Fucking_ me and then _leaving_?’

He looked up then, his eyes focused on your with a burning fierceness. 'No. Hurting you does not bring me any kind of pleasure. Quite the opposite.’

'Then why are you doing this?’ You demanded, and the angel sighed heavily.

_Think you’re funny, think you’re smart,_ _  
_ _Think you’re gonna break my heart_

'I do not mean to hurt you.’ Castiel said, staring at you now, but not moving. 'I never wanted to cause you pain. But I cannot simply leave.’

'Why? Because I might move on? Find someone who loves me? Who won’t hurt me?’

’ _I_ love you!’ He burst out suddenly, then stood, pacing around the room. You stared in shock, confused by the words, although you knew he wasn’t lying. Instead of soothing the hurt inside you though, they only served to intensify it, making it ten times as painful. If he loved you, then why did he continue to hurt you so much? He stopped in his pacing, running his hand down his face, before looking at you. 'I do love you, Y/N. But I don’t know what to do with that love.’

You stared at him, your mouth open. 'Well for one, you don’t fuck someone then disappear during the night.’

'I had to leave.’ He tried to explain. 'I had to… _think_.’

'And you couldn’t do that here?’

'No.’ Castiel stood at the bottom of the bed, clenching and unclenching his fists. 'I couldn’t. Because being around you…I cannot think clearly. All I want to do is be with you, to touch you, to pleasure you…it clouds my mind every second of the day.’

'Guess what, Cas? Not buying it.’ You stood up, the sheet held firmly around your naked form. 'I can’t deal with this. We can’t have what we want. You’re a frickin’ angel, and I’m a hunter. We couldn’t be together even if you got your head straight.’ You reached over for your pants. 'We’re done here.’

_Think you’re funny, think you’re smart,_ _  
_ _Yeah, you may be good looking,_ _  
_ _But you’re not a piece of art._

He was beside you in an instant, his hand clasped around your wrist. 'Please don’t say that.’ You looked up into those blue eyes of his, holding your breath. 'I would fall for you.’

'I thought you already had.’ You whispered, unconsciously drifting closer to him, your grip on the sheet loosening.

'I would give up my wings, Y/N, if it meant I could be by your side. I would tear out my grace and live as mortal, with you.’ The gesture did not pass you by, but you didn’t reply, letting his words sink into you. He would give up his home, his mission, his _everything_ to be with you. Was this why he had left this morning? To think about this?

_Power and control,_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_

'I couldn’t ask you to do that.’ You said quietly, pulling back from him, but Castiel only smiled gently.

'You would not be asking. I would choose.’ He reached out, relinquishing his hold on your wrist. Cupping your face, he exhaled softly, before pressing his lips to yours. 'I would give it up freely, because I love you and I could not continue my mission knowing that I had left you hurting somewhere because of me.’

_Power and control,_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_

All this time you’d spent, moping over him, feeling crushing weight of your need for him in your heart and _all this time_ , you’d been the one with the power. The one who held his heart so tightly he was willing to leave it all behind to be with you. Staring at him, your lips parted, his blue eyes burning a hole through your soul, you realised that you couldn’t use that power. You couldn’t make him give it up, even if it was willingly.

_Women and men we are the same,_ _  
_ _But love will always be a game_

'Castiel, I can’t…I can’t ask you to do that. Even if you want to. You are an angel…it’s what you are. I wouldn’t condemn you to this mortal life…I couldn’t.’ You sighed, looking down. 'I’m a hunter. We don’t exactly have long life spans. If something happened to me…you’d be alone. You’d have given it all up for nothing.’

_A human vulnerability_ _  
_ _Doesn’t mean that I am weak_

He smiled then, pulling you towards him. 'I have given it up before for less.’ The touch of his hands on your bare skin made you feel warm, and you forgot that there was only a sheet between you. It dropped to the floor as he kissed you again, and you sagged in his hold.

_That I am weak, I am weak,_ _  
_ _I am weak, I am weak, weak_

This was the power you held over each other. This, that would never end like Sam suggested it should. Like you logically knew it should before you both got hurt. Before he tore out his grace and ended his life, only for yours to be cut short in the line of duty. Maybe you were looking at the negative side of things – he could be human, you could both live long and healthy lives, have the house, and the picket fence, and the kids…

_Power and control,_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_ _  
_ _Power and control,_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_

But still you couldn’t take that risk. You knew you couldn’t leave the life now…

_Women and men we are the same,_ _  
_ _But love will always be a game_

You also knew you couldn’t give him up. 'Cas…’ You whispered, a loaded plea in one breath of his name, and he nodded, pulling you up and closer to him, your legs wrapping around his waist. He stumbled, his grip on you tightened and he pushed you against the wall, devouring your mouth with his own, plunging his tongue against yours.

_We give and take a little more,_ _  
_ _Eternal game of tug and war._

He snaked a hand between you, as your hands secured themselves around the back of his neck, and he unzipped his pants, lowering your naked body down onto his, impaling you on his hard cock. You cried out as he filled you, feeling the hardness of the wall at your back. He groaned as you surrounded him completely, your walls tightening around him. His gaze locked with yours as he started to move, slowly, lowering his head to pepper kisses across your shoulders and neck. You clawed at him, needing more friction, the heat building between you with a frightening intensity.

_Power and control_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_ _  
_ _Power and control_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_ _  
_ _I’m gonna make you fall_

'I cannot…’ He gasped, his forehead against your shoulder as his fingers dug into your backside, holding you up as he pulled out and plunged back in again. 'I cannot hold on.’

'Then let go.’ You begged, leaving red marks on his skin where your nails scratched across him, feeling your own climax spiralling out of control. With a cry, you clamped down on him, your hips moving into his as he pounded you into the wall harder.

_We give and take a little more_ _  
_ _‘_ _Cause all my life I’ve been controlled_

He cried out, his hips pistoning frantically as he spilled himself into you, the movements slowly ebbing away to leave nothing but your combined pants echoing in the motel room. His grip on you loosened and you dropped your legs to the floor, feeling beads of sweat on your forehead. He raised his head, looking at you, before kissing you gently.

'You can’t stay, Castiel.’ You said quietly, as he withdrew from you. 'I’m not stupid enough to believe that you can. We both have work to do.’

He looked away, sadness filling his gaze before he cupped your cheek with his hand.

_You can’t have peace without a war,  
Without a war, without a war_

'For now, we do.’ He kissed your forehead, and you closed your eyes, feeling him around you. 'But not forever.’


End file.
